I've blown a few things in my day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
