dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
