Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
