Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
