Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
