I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
