Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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