I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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