so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
