So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
