haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
