i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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