I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
