My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
