the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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