Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
