it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
