Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
