woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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