Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
