cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
