after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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