FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
