Whod you bang
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
