A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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