Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
