Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
