thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
