using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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