Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
