I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
wanna go halves on a baby?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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