I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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