Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
