im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
