I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
