Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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