the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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