Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
