you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
