Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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