There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Randomize
