she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
