Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
