i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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