He kissed a someone with a penis
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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