I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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