I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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