Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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