I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
