I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
