Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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