i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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