I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
