PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
