Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Mom said you looked used
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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