My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
